Kevin Nealon gives Debi some Christmas shopping advice from the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. November 30th, 2010

I get you! I know you don’t have the time and energy to buy all these ingredients, prep them and drop them into 6 other little bowls you have to wash! Now, I love my family and go to lengths to make them a wonderful dish now and then, but most evenings you’ll find me rushed and trying to get dinner on the table before the natives get restless!

It starts with a can…Here is a simple and easy recipe for a hearty autumn soup your whole family will love and it will not only be a staple for Halloween and football game nights, it is a dish company will love.

It is a pasta and bean soup but you can call it what you like. We refer to it as bean soup but it’s really called Pasta Fagioli (fa-jol) I know Giada has a much more complicated recipe, but I know your time and budget can be limited. Keep the ingredients in your pantry and you will always be ready. Another great tip is to buy these items when they are on sale! I stock up when Albertson’s has the 10 for $1.00 sale going!

Please note, I don’t always give exact measurements; I cook like you! Eye ball measurements and add to taste. The Food Network chefs always serve their food to a fun group of family and friends and you can too if you abandon guilt and expectations, keep it simple and skip to the fun part of enjoying your family!

Bean and Pasta Soup

Level: easy
Cost: amazingly budget friendly
Clean up: easy

Ingredients:

• 2 cans canneli beans *(white kidney beans)
• 2 cans chicken stock
• 1 large can of chopped tomatoes flavored with garlic, basil and oregano.
• 1 small brown onion
• 2 cloves of garlic
• leftover ham or 4 slices of bacon or salt pork…whatever you have on hand!
• olive oil
• small sized pasta (salad macaroni or small shells, even alphabet pasta is a fun choice!)

Instructions:

1. In your soup pot, saute chopped garlic, onion and leftover ham or bacon in olive oil.
2. Rinse beans and add beans, chicken stock, tomatoes and about a cup and 1/2 of water.
3. Add salt and pepper to taste. (I add a few crushed red pepper flakes)
4. Bring to a slow boil, reduce heat and add about 3/4 cup of uncooked pasta.
5. Let this soup slowly simmer for about an hour.

Tips:

Be careful when adding pasta; keep in mind it can as much as double in size.
Serving tips: serve with a loaf of fresh baked bread always avail at the front of the store, canned bisquits, or corned bread.
Shopping tips: buy chopped tomatoes already flavored with herbs for quick and easy italian or mexican meals!  These tomatoes usually go on sale when the plain ones do.
Cooking tips: Cube and freeze those last few slices of ham from your next holiday dinner for this dish.

We women bolt around our homes and offices with lightening speed. We rarely stroll through a mall and often even grocery shopping is done a few days at a time; either due to budget or poor planning. Generally we have eaten breakfast. lunch or dinner, in our car, walking to or from the car, or while we sit at a computer, as we multi-tasked to tend to home, kids, husband or work. Even at my beloved prayer group, when women get together in the morning to pray for their families, we watch the clock. Our day ends and we still feel as if we haven’t given our families, friends, work, let alone ourselves enough time and attention and we vow to do better tomorrow.

My husband, like most men, can turn it off at the end of the day. He can shut the door to his office and unplug his phone and sit on the couch and watch television and zone out. Me, like most women, can’t. My mind is still spinning as I feel myself wind up again.

We try to unwind and turn on the television only to hear about a downward spiraling economy, political pundits battling it out over what they feel is beneficial for me, or “news” stories about Eva Longoria divorcing her husband who apparently cheated on her with her friend.

I feel the crying jag begin again. It is such an outburst of emotion saying “I am done, I am spent, I can’t think about being responsible one more minute. Rather than expose my husband to another unexplainable crying spell, I get up and go to my room. I switch on the t.v. but I avoid network dramas. local news and reality shows. I flip through the channels to The Food Network. Yes, the Food Network and settle into a comfortable chair and actually sigh with relief as I see Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa looking directly at me as she calmly and patiently explains to meet how to make the perfect chicken salad. I feel myself decompressing. For the first time all day, I feel myself relaxing.

Ina assures me that I do not need 200 pounds of chicken like most recipes call for; she laughs gently and goes on to say, “All you need is 2 cooked chicken breasts.” She goes on to make her chicken salad and tells me that she is using pecans and walnuts, but I can use whatever kind of nuts I like. She stirs in mayo and sour cream and again reassures me that I can use one or the other or both. She seasons without measuring all the while telling me that I know how my family would like this salad seasoned. I find myself soothed. I can do this. I know how to make chicken salad, I made it just yesterday. The only difference with The Barefoot Contessa’s is that she used some grapes. Hmmm, good to know. The next time I have a few on hand I will surely do that.

I often watch The Food Network and once mentioned it to my friend Michelle who said she records several shows and then sits and knits while the show keeps her company. That’s what it does! The Food Network keeps us company. Depending on the chef, the recipes could be complicated or easy. The featured entree could be a dish my family would never consider trying, or favorite go-to meal.  There are many chefs in many kitchens, but one thing they have in common is that they make me feel like I am a friend sitting in their home, chatting about my family, my day, or even my childhood. Some cook with friends or spouses, some entertain a large group or an intimate gathering.

During commercials, they remind me that not everyone is as fortunate as we are and tell me how to donate to hungry people right here in my own neighborhood. They remind me that I am the expert in my kitchen and with my family, they are simply there to give new ideas and tips to boost the flavor of traditional dishes. They laugh and they sing. They encourage me to give it a try and challenge myself.

The Food Network has put our friends on television where we can sit at their kitchen table, have some coffee and learn a little something.  Maybe we will make the dish they were cooking. Maybe we will knit a scarf while we admire their artistry. Maybe we just need the comfort of a familiar face and warm smile of a barefoot contessa to let us feel like at that moment, all is right in our world.

Are you kidding me? This woman whose only claim to fame was a sex tape and whose entire family flaunts not only an immoral life style, but one that is, at times, violent and abusive is going to tell me how to raise a financially responsible adult by giving her a credit card? The only thing the Kardashian women can teach my daughter is how to be objectified, over exposed and abused. They teach disrespect for self and others. They teach that money should be obtained in ANY manner and used for greed. They teach that self gratification should come at all costs and they have learned that from their mother who has no problem instructing her daughters to use their bodies and even sexual acts to get a bigger check, contract or house!

The Kardashian women teach that putting up with verbal abuse and threats of physical violence is acceptable in a relationship. even if you are mother with a young child at stake. God forbid the cameras stop rolling and we lose any of the drama as daddy comes home drunk and breaks all the furniture as he chases his girlfriend and infant son from their high-end rented condo. Does this woman leave him? No! She gives him chance after chance and “Momager” even gives this man a surprise birthday party to kiss up to him so he doesn’t move her daughter and grandson away to New York. Every season this family stoops to new lows all for the sake of ratings and money.

Kim, keep your credit card. I have been teaching my daughter about responsibility and how to take the high road and by avoiding any exposure to you and your lifestyle. Unfortunately, their are girls and their mothers who will take advantage of your designer credit card and treat themselves to jewelry, clothing and accessories from your stores. They will buy into your philosophy that you should have EVERYTHING you want, regardless if you can pay for it or not. If you can’t pay your bill, who cares? The Karadshian women are showing us how easy it is to sell your soul to earn a buck.

• An honorable father does everything within his power to protect the safety and image of his family… not sell them out.

• An honorable father works day in and day out to support his family, not find the easy, sleazy dollar via a publicity stunt.

• An honorable father sends his daughter back in to the house when the hem or neck line of her outfit is inappropriate, not book her to pose naked or pole dance.

• An honorable father builds character in his sons by teaching them how to treat their sisters, mothers and other women with respect.

• An honorable father protects his family’s name. In his world, his family’s good name means they conduct themselves with integrity, not a title of a tawdry reality show.

The first father I will take on is Bruce Jenner.  When I posted this on face book, some asked, “What did Bruce Jenner do?” NOTHING!  That is what Bruce Jenner has done…NOTHING! And the worse part of it is that he isn’t absent, he is very much there, but still does nothing while his wife, Kris Kardashian, a publicity monster, continues to book her girls on one degrading gig after another.

Chris Rock, in his latest comedy special opened with a joke about fathers and how it is their job to keep their daughters off the pole!  I was speechless as I watched a clip of Bruce Jenner viewing a tape of his 2 youngest daughters, 10 and 12 years old, learning how to dance on a stripper pole.  When he brought it to his wife’s attention, (well, when a producer thought it would make good tv for him to confront her) Kris Kardashian dismissed it as part of growing up.  Bruce Jenner slinked away without an argument.

Bruce is a father, but not one of honor. An honorable father protects his daughters innocence. He cherishes her purity. He teaches her about respect and dignity and serves as her role model for how a man should view a woman. Where is your honor Bruce as your youngest daughters spin on poles? Are you aware of what grown men think about when they watch this? I mean, Bruce is a man and should know what men think about, fantasize about as they watch these girls slither on a pole.

At the risk of offending the reader, I must share some thoughts about a call I heard on the Dr. Laura show. I say I may offend in that Dr. Laura was extremely direct during this conversation. A frustrated mother of a 12-year-old called complaining that her daughter insisted on wearing short skits and low cut tops. The daughter argued that her look was just fine and people must have dirty minds. Dr. Laura asked to speak to the young girl. The girl got on the phone and proceeded to be very defensive as she said she was innocent in her choices and couldn’t control what others thought.

Dr. Laura let the girl go on about her up-tight mother and then she said something I may never forget;  Dr. Laura calmly said, “DId you know that when you wear those clothes, when men look at you, it makes their penis hard?” – The girl’s silence was so sudden it filled the air waves. Dr. Laura was so direct with the rest of her conversation. She went on to tell this girl that she wasn’t just turning on the cute boys a little older than her, she could also making 50 year old penises hard! You could hear this little girl gasp and then remark as only a junior higher can, “That’s Gross!”   It took an adult to be that straight forward (excuse the pun) with her and let her know that men will physically respond to the way she is dressed; and that as a matter of fact, she CAN control what they think.

C’mon Bruce! You’re a man. You know how they think. You are building your family name on one humiliating story after another. Your family wouldn’t even have a reality show if it wasn’t for Kim Kardashian’s sex tape with Paris Hilton’s cast off. When that tape came to light, an honorable father, a responsible step-father, a man with character, would have protected her from the media, gossip and shame, not ride that publicity into several reality shows. An honorable father would stand up to his wife and mother of his daughters and stop the whoring out of his family. A father of character, wisdom and integrity would raise a family with those very traits.

Some where, this Olympiad lost his footing and for the sake of his daughters, I hope he gets back on track.

Kris Jenner,  a self proclaimed “momager” and matriarch of the Kardashian children exploits her more than willing daughters to display themselves as tawdry sex objects, including going behind her husband’s back to book her daughters for a nude Playboy Magazine shoot.  I am not a prude, all I am saying is; is this the job of a mom?  Do you not realize what most men use these photos for Kris?  You are a big grown up girl, so I  am assuming you do know, it just doesn’t matter to you.  I think the one photo that bothered me so much was the one of a very pregnant daughter in g-string and thigh highs posing in a sexual position…again, I say, I can see how some smarmy agent would arrange that photo shoot…not  a mother and future grandmother.

I have tried to watch the show, Keeping up with the Kardashians, and was appalled with the way the children speak to the parents.  The “f” bomb flows freely and is used on their parents and siblings both in jest and in anger.  They have told their parents to go to hell.  The youngest daughter, a 12 year old, yelled at her father in public when he objected to the was she showed up wearing  to a family dinner in a restaurant.  The 12 year old toddled into the restaurant on 4 inch high heels, with a dress that barely covered her vageen and  was wearing more makeup than Ru Paul!   When her father, Bruce Jenner objected, he allowed himself to be  chewed up and spat out by his wife in front of all his children for being too hard on the girl and he left….all by himself.  How did this family get a reality show in the first place?   Lest any of you forget, daughter Kim launched her career with a sex tape with her best friend’s ex boyfriend.  Kris Kardashian, Mom or Mom-ster?  I vote Mom-ster.

Kate Gosslin, You know her right?  She is that long suffering mother who puts her kids first before anyone or anything!  The mother who protects her children from any awful thing.  Kate has all but put a pork chop around the neck of each of these children and thrown them right to the wolves!  If you want to protect your children, you do not constantly put yourself in the eye of the paparazzi.  If you want to provide for your children, you get a JOB.  I am so sick of Jon and Kate demanding the only place they can earn money is in the world of television…have we all forgotten that TLC found them AFTER the children were born?  How were they expecting to pay for these children in the first place?  He was a computer tech and she was a nurse.  They had a way to support their children.  They may not have been able to to give them the elaborate vacations, designer clothes,  latest toys and three nannies…but they could have supported them.  Get your ass off the dance floor; you are neither a star or a dancer, quit pushing your book with intimate letters for your children, and don’t write another one.  Quit calling yourself one of us…a hardworking single mother, you are a divorced woman who was mean to her husband and continues to exploit your family for your own fame and profit.  Kate Gosslin, Mom or Mom-ster?  I vote Mom-ster.

Deana Lohan, another “momager” allowed her daughter, Lindsey Lohan to spin out of control into a world of false friendships, drugs and alcohol.   What sould Lindsey count on from her mom…help? support? rescue?  NO!  Deana only continues to give excuses.  You are going to excuse that girl right into an early grave and I am assuming you will write a book and make the talk show circuit to tell us all about Lindsey’s sad story.  Mom or Mom-ster?  I vote Mom-ster.

On a recent episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County, the wives showed up to a cocktail party where they would proceed to tear each other and their husbands apart, one wife and her husband got out of the limo and looked great..no detail escaped them.  Not a hair out of place, expensive purse complimented more expensive shoes.  Unfortunately, they overlooked two “accessories” …their 2 daughters!  The girls,  ages 15 and 16 got out of the same limo falling down drunk!  The mother later said she never noticed them drinking in the limo, really?  Are you that self absorbed that you couldn’t see what your daughters were doing 2 feet away from you?  Then they get to the party and EVERY one of the housewives and their husbands notice the girls are drinking.  I am sure the bar tenders and servers knew and I am sure the producers kept the cameras rolling while 2 underage, half naked, intoxicated girls, kept drinking!    Moms or Mom-sters?  I vote Mom-sters.

Really?  As I am writing this, I am watching a past episode of July 4th and all she did was gripe and be all over his ass for everything!   If I ate a cookie every time she hit him on the back of the head, I would be in a diabetic coma!  Really Kate?  How about you watch just a few of these episodes instead of tanning, manicuring and planning your next pr move and you will see why you deserved to be left.

Michael Jackson was tortured.  The one abuse there are witness to was that between him and his father.  Michael Jackson’s father was driven and that drive caused him to abuse his child.  A weak mother never saved him.  His career isolated him.  Yes, a tortured soul.

I take issue with Michael Jackson and the people he bought off.  Mothers who sold their children. People who sold their silence.  Doctors who wrote prescriptions.  Family members who turned away from his bad behaviour and took money while their own niece and nephews were possibly abused.

Clearly he was tortured and he continued with that cycle and left behind unanswered questions and lives in chaos.   Maybe he was innocent.  Maybe he was bought off.  We will never know.

What we do know is that there are 3 children left not only fatherless, but quite possibly parent-less.  I pray the same circle of weak people  will find the strength to protect, raise and guide these children.  But I know that the craziness has only started.

It is time for Miley to get out of the lime light and take all those other gals with her.  Our daughters need to focus on favorite subjects, not a favorite Jonas Brother.  Our girls need to learn what they can do for their communities and work towards global awareness.  Our girls need to learn how to dress to impress and not to arouse!  I remember hearing Dr. Laura’s radio program and a mom called about her daughter copying all these young role models like Miley Cyrus.  She insisted on wearing clothes that were tight and showing off her bra straps, thong underwear and having t shirts with suggestive slogans.  My first thought is how can your kid wear these unless the parent is buying them.   Dr. Laura asked to speak with the girl and I will never forget what she said to her.   Dr.  Laura simply said, “When you wear these clothes and boys see you, it makes their penis erect.”  You could hear this girl just wince and they say, “….ewww”.   This young girl got it!  When Dr. Laura hung up, she went on to say that these young girls also entice older men when they dress like that.

Right on Dr. Laura for setting this girl straight and telling her the truth.

Sasha and Malia Obama are being placed into social situations, on an international level, and handled it with so much grace and style.   They dress so beautifully and carry themselves like young ladies.  They even dance in a way that is in the moment and so fun and cool.  (Need I go into how Miley Cyrus gyrates on stage?)   The Obama girls are so proud of their parents and they in turn show pride when they are with thier girls.

I look forward to learning more about being an effective parent from the President and First Lady Obama.

My daughter will learn about coming of age gracefully as she sees the First Daughters grow and represent a new fresh face of girlhood.

She has even screamed at him on national television! She never wants these kids to get dirty! How the hell do you achieve that with 8 children under the age of 6! On the sextuplets birthday, she took them to decorate cupcakes and had an apron for each of them with their names on them. She then proceeded to “help” each one decorate the cupcakes and yelled the whole time! Jon wanted his kids to relax and have a good time on their freakin’ birthday! He pleaded with Kate to let them have fun, but there will be no fun as long as Kate is in charged! There will be 8 children dressed alike, spotless, with matching shoes and combed hair! Good for you Kate!

Kate better learn where her bread is buttered. Trust me, as a mommy who has sent two children out into the world, daddy is your best friend. Those kids leave and unless they need something, they don’t come home! If she let Jon parent those children, she would have a wonderful life. Let it go Kate! Give Jon back his balls and let him be a man. Let him be a father! Must you break his spirit as well as those 8 children? And if you continue to do this, you better be careful about hiring cute nannies!