This year, my husband was in the kitchen when I was in my cooking frenzy. He watched as I poured two bowls of cranberry sauce and held one into the air. “This one,” I announced, “is for us”. He shrugged his shoulders and said “OK”. He was completely underwhelmed. He stole some shredded cheese from my bowl and said very casually, “I don’t like cranberry sauce”.

I have been feeding this man for over 17 years. I thought back to all the Thanksgiving dinners we have celebrated together. I mentally pictured his plate: no yams, no green bean casserole, no lime jello, double serving of stuffing and a turkey leg and, yes… my cranberry sauce!

“But you eat it every year! ” I was floored.

Every year since our daughters could reach the stove, we have made the sauce. Sometimes we make a fancy one with orange zest and nuts, but we always have one bowl of the original. It was so wonderful to see our little girl proudly place a dish she made on her grandmother’s table and listen to the compliments from family members.

“I only eat it because you make it.” he said as he casually ate more shredded cheese.

“But you don’t eat all the other food you don’t like. You don’t eat yams or jello and will pass up dessert completely if there is only pumpkin pie”. I really was confused.

“Yes, but you don’t make any of that.” he answered, stole more cheese and then went back to his office.

This was a learning moment for me. It was a lesson about the language of love spoken by a husband and father. You see, when a man speaks his language of love, it rarely includes words. A man’s language of love come from actions.

Every Thanksgiving, my husband must have watched me and one of our daughters making a simple cranberry sauce over the stove, put it into a crystal dish and set it on my mom’s Thanksgiving table. All these years, I thought he never really noticed or cared. But he had. Even though he never liked cranberries, he knew his wife and daughter would be watching to see who would eat what they had prepared. He always took a good sized serving and complimented us in front of everyone.

I love this about my husband. Even though he is a vet having served with the Marine Corps, this simple action every Thanksgiving makes him my hero. He would never want his wife’s or daughter’s dish to go untouched.

His language of love is there and I must remember to watch for the actions, which, after all, speak much louder than words.

I do believe children are a gift from God. I also believe God blesses moms with the ability to love all her children. But if God meant for us to have 20 children, He would also have given mothers an extra pair of eyes, preferably some that could rotate completely around our head, and some extra arms! Our knees would bend with ease in the either direction. We would have super sonic hearing and a voice that would never grow weary of explaining things over and over and over again! Mother’s would look like some freaky monster from a sci-fi movie!

But, to be serious, I do believe a woman’s body was designed by God and in that grand design, having 20 children and well past a healthy age to do so was not part of the plan! The Duggars claim to be a witness for Christianity and instead display irresponsibility. The 19th baby was born with serious health problems. Yes, any baby can be born with health problems, but if that bay is number 19 and mom’s body has not had time to recover from the last birth or is past the prime age to have children, chances are greater for this baby to be born with complications. Once it was determined the baby was so sick and would be fighting between life and death, the Duggars choose to keep those cameras rolling. How is this witnessing? How is this responsible? How could a husband or father put his wife and daughter through this? A husband is supposed to cherish and protect his wife and family, I see the Duggar dad doing neither! I see him as selfish and single minded. And now, they are considering a 20th child?!

Yes, it appears they can afford it, but for how long without the TV contract on each child! Yes, it appears they love all their children, but can they get to know each child or be there for one of them when he or she may need concentrated attention or wisdom? I know with 3 children, attention is a precious commodity. You have to be available to listen, comfort and observe otherwise they can run off cliffs, physically, emotionally and spiritually. How can you possibly do that with 20 individual children at various stages of growth?

Yes, the children help, but the children are NOT each other’s responsibility…they are the parent’s responsibility. Those children should be allowed to be children and teens without having to raise a brother or sister.

Medically, what are Michelle Duggar or the next baby’s chances of surviving another birth? If either or both do not survive, would this be God’s plan? Mr.Duggar, be a responsible father and husband and protect your family. Let’s start by taking the cameras out of their lives as they go through this. A responsible man like yourself should be able to cover all those bills without reality TV paychecks for 21 people.

So, I’d like to hear from you. Send me a short story about your relationship and how it works. How has my story/comedy changed or affected your relationship? I really look forward to your responses. fromdebi@debiontheweb.com

(Note – I will use these stories for research purposes only. They will not be published.)

We have a family friend who recently got married.  We are friends of the groom.  We know all about his love of fishing, hunting and camping.  He’s a guy’s guy!  When he shopped for a dining room table, he looked for one that would be strong enough to hold a car engine so he could work on it in his spare time! So, now, you have a picture in your head of the groom.  Now, he announces he is going to get married!  My friend Linda, the groom’s brother, told us how wonderful this woman is.  She is a beautiful, kind and loving woman.  But when I saw her wedding cake topper, I knew she was going to be a wonderful wife!

In the days of Bridezilla, I ask you how many reality shows do we need showing brides having meltdowns and tantrums?   And rarely, RARELY, do we even see the husband-to-be unless she is pissed at him or he inadvertently does something to piss her off!   Here is a breath of fresh air, a bride who truly loves her husband and took his likes and tastes when planning the wedding.  This bride knew her husband loved many outdoor activities and chose to include that in her wedding motif!  The groomsmen colors were camouflage and safety orange.  This told me that this lady had a fantastic sense of humor! The table decorations were also done in the sportsman’s theme.  Not at any time was this wedding a farce.  I see all of this as such a loving and genuine heartfelt gesture on the part of the bride towards her husband.  So many brides don’t even THINK to include the groom in HER special day!  It is all about HER colors, HER flowers, HER bridesmaids, HER Cake!  Some brides even insist on the type of ring HE will give her!

This marriage is going to work.  This husband and wife will have a marriage filled with love and acceptance.   This isn’t a woman who will throw her bouquet just to free up both hands to change her man.  She doesn’t want to change him. She loves him the way he is.  She isn’t going to make demands that he give up any of the activities he loves.  She publicly welcomed them into her life with him!  And….I think with a woman like this, he won’t be in such a hurry to leave to fish!

How many of us want to change our husbands?  Chances are if he loved sports, fishing, camping, computer technology or playing his guitar before you got married,  he always will love those things.

Men rarely ask us to change our likes and hobbies for them, why do we women continue to ask them to change for us?

We can all learn something from this very lovely bride.  Don’t you agree?

One day I looked at Daddy. He looked calm and rested. He smelled great! He traveled light! His hair was always combed. He was still so handsome! I, on the other hand, looked like a rag doll riding a pack mule!

Then it hit me! Daddy looked good, because Daddy took care of Daddy!!! I am not saying my husband didn’t care about the kids, he did. He didn’t guess what their needs might be or prepare for them. Daddy never pulled a juice box out of his ass! Daddy never had chilled string cheese on him! Daddy never had colored pencils and paper in his pocket!

I’ll tell you what Daddy DID do. Daddy made sure the kids were fed before they left. He reminded them one time about a jacket and knew that if the kids were freezing their behinds off once, they will remember that jacket the next time. Daddy never handed out money, why should he? He gave allowances on Saturday and it was up to the kids to make it last. If a kid didn’t remember to grab a bottle of water from home, he showed them where public drinking fountains were so they could take a drink of hot water. Amazing, the kids always remembered their water bottles and carried it themselves after a few swigs of that nasty public water!

Daddy never hurried through a meal because Janie or Johnnie was waiting on one of our kids.

If Daddy was expected to watch a Pretty Pretty Pony movie without falling asleep, then the kids were expected to sit through an action movie without freaking out and asking to go home in the middle of the movie!

I watched him in amazement. He handled those children beautifully and sometimes forcefully. And at the end of the day, he loved the children and they loved him!

When I stepped back and let my husband parent the children, my life became so much easier.

My husband, My hero!

If you do just two things for your man, he will walk through hell to give you a glass of ice water! What are those two things? Well, buckle your seatbelts ladies, it’s going to be a bumpy night…..Here goes:

If he’s hungry; FEED HIM!

If he’s Hungry, DO HIM!

Did I do some investigative studies? Did I conduct polls of millions of happily married women and men? No! I didn’t have to. Men are very upfront with what they want!

Oh, I already hear you all, “Men are pigs! All they want is sex!”

Yup, pretty much!

But does that make them pigs? No! It’s so simply explained. Here me out….

Am I saying men have NO feelings? No, men feel very deeply!

Am I saying men are incapable of being romantic? No! Some of the most romantic songs, poems and plays have been written by men!

Am I saying that sex is the only thing he wants from you? No! In fact, sex is a very deep connection to you.

A man can use sex to express his love of you, his fear of losing you, a way to count his blessings, solace to sadness, affirmation of life and his worth while….but to us, it just comes across as SEX!, JUST SEX!

We say men don’t talk to us. Sex is his way of taling and communicating with you! Listen to him! He could be saying,” I need you to think I am a good provider, I need you to think I am sexy, I need to know you love me too, I need to connect with you because you love me and everyone at work are a bunch of assholes!”

Now, I know ladies, we are mommied all damn day. We have to solve problems, put out fires, settle worries and manage families on a shoe string budget and with not enough hours in the day! I hear you sister…. but….when I stopped to think about why I was so tired, I realized that I was so busy doing things for other people all day, even for people who I didn’t like or who would return the favor! Why was I putting my self in a position like that with all those people and yet here’s a guy walking through the front door who would put his life down for me and our children and yet I would reject his advances every night until he just gave up? C’mon ladies, HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR HUBBY! He’s waiting and willing and ready for you! Yes, I am saying it, HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MAN! Quit making it such a big damn deal, WHAT’S TEN MINUTES OUT OF YOUR DAY?! Eight if you say the right thing! My personal best is six minutes! He had fun, and I had fun! We were relaxed, happy and back to watching Letterman in time to catch the top ten list!

Seriously, give a try. Challenge yourselves…have sex, four nights in a row. See if you don’t have a happier man…and I noticed my hubby did more things to show me how much he appreciated me and all I do….

Give a try and let’s start commenting on it….let’s see if my theory works for you. You have nothing to lose! And so much to gain.

Happy discoveries!

Well, I know family and friends would descend on the house upon hearing about a death! If one of us were to die tomorrow, today I would be cleaning the house, windows and all, getting our funeral clothes cleaned and pressed. Oh, that reminds me, I will have to get the baby new church shoes, she outgrows them between Easter and Christmas! When my grandmother died I remember running into a Payless and grabbing church shoes and throwing them on her moments before we ran into church. I noticed both her feet pointing in the same direction. SHE HAD ON TWO LEFT SHOES! On the way through the cemetery, she kept walking towards the left!

Yes, I would be cleaning the house top to bottom and he would be getting rid of a hell of alot of porn from his underwear drawer!